Mates

‘Why am I here? That’s exactly why mate. Because it’s the other side of the world. When I’m in Australia I have to travel six to eight hours to get to another country and then I’m in Asia, surrounded by Australians. Here you travel for an hour and you’re some place else entirely. For example, how long did you travel?’

– ’45 minutes.’

‘See? That’s what I mean. 40 fecking 5 minutes mate. That’s nothing. In Australia you can’t do anything in 45 minutes. After 45 minutes you’re at the exact same place you were 45 minutes ago. Everything takes a shitload of time.’

– ‘But do you like it here?’

‘Listen mate. I’m a plummer alright? In Australia I worked half a day to pay for rent and groceries. Here I have to work three. I work my ass off and make virtually no money. But hey, I can sit here and drink beers and talk to you, so yeah, I like it. It’s good mate.’

– ‘And Australia isn’t?’

‘Listen mate, there’s Australia and there’s Australia, know what I mean?’

– ‘I think I might have a vague idea of what you mean, but you’re very drunk and so am I, so actually no, I don’t really know what you mean.’

‘You’re an honest lad, I’ll give ya that. Alright, listen mate. You can go to Australia, right. Go to Sydney, Melbourne, all those places. Go down the whole fecking Gold Coast, but that’s not Australia mate. That’s not it. Sure, when you go there, go there, and see all those places, but afterwards mate, afterwards go INLAND. You go inland, right, and you get to the north-east part of Queensland, and I’ll swear to you… (kisses his fingers) The best… (shakes his head) Most beautiful… (Doesn’t know how to physically express himself any further, so takes a big swig of Lager) THAT’S the REAL Australia mate. That’s it, fuck those… Yeah, sure, you can go to the East Coast, go there, fuck it, I don’t care, but you go inland mate, INLAND, fecking Aboriginals mate, nature. THAT’S the real Australia.

(I nod my head and finish my beer)

‘Is that yours?’

– ‘Yeah, it was.’

‘Here mate, take mine.’

– ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah, this one. Is it mine? Who’s is it? Well, I’ve got another, just take it.’

– ‘Thanks mate.’

‘You’re welcome mate. You’re okay, you’re a good guy. (to the whole table) HEY GUYS, you know what? We should all go to OUR PLACE afterwards.’

– ‘The bars over here close so fucking early.’

(shrugs) ‘So let’s go to OUR place, we’ll have a drink, some laughs, let’s GO (everybody murmurs agreement).’

(…)

And then they turned on the lights and we all got our coats and went outside and went home and never saw each other again.

Auteur: RdR

Remco de Ridder (Den Haag, 1983) is een Nederlandse freelance journalist, copywriter, podcastmaker en schrijver. De Ridder studeerde Film Studies aan de Universiteit van Amsterdam en screenwriting aan de New York Film Academy. De Ridder werkt sindsdien als freelance copywriter en journalist. Hij schreef een aantal opiniestukken over de ramp met MH17, die werden gepubliceerd in de Volkskrant en Het Parool. In die kranten schrijft hij regelmatig ook over andere onderwerpen.

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